In the works...

I am working on putting some resource pages together for abused women and teens.  It will likely be national and international resources that can point people in the right direction more locally.  The world is just too big to list every resource on the local level and it seems my readers are from all over the world.  Awesome :)

Something I am thinking about is opening a section of my website that is members only specifically for single moms and abused women that has tutorials on virtual assisting and bookkeeping.  It would be free with an application.  I need to think about it more.  Money is important to me now, but while I'm waiting for things to get moving it might be something useful to do with my time.  Thoughts and opinions are welcome.

Moving Up

Over the weekend I purchased the domain for my business and 3 months of hosting.  It's not much, but it IS a start.

The thing that's going to give me the most trouble is using Joomla.  There are a lot of great HTML templates out there but Joomla doesn't use HTML templates.  The Joomla templates are all junky and have a thousand menus. My site is a simple service site and I won't use that many menus.  EVER.  So this will be a challenge.  I may see about converting a regular HTML template to PHP and see if Joomla will take it.

I also spent some time looking at used cars on Craigslist over the weekend just to see what was out there for under $3000.  I'm feeling more and more ok about purchasing a vehicle when the time comes, especially knowing that I will have a support system in place where I plan on moving to.

But the point is, I have done something to make myself more independent from my abusers.  The threats of kicking me out of the house or taking my car keys if I don't do exactly what they want or give them all my money matters less and less.  Fact is, I might even be ok to move now, but I don't want to stress my son out more by making him change schools again in the middle of the year.

Looking Forward To...

I'm making a list of all the things I look forward to when I move out of the abusers house.  But the thing that strikes me as the most important is normal relationships with people.

My abusers don't have friends.  They've alienated most of their families except the ones they can bully around.

I am looking forward to nurturing the friendships and relationships I already have and developing new and healthy relationships of all sorts with a variety of people.  It will be so nice to have friends without being accused of being irresponsible or being a lesbian (which there is nothing wrong with that, unless the accusation points it in that direction).

Freedom is on the horizon...

You know you're abused when...

Since I grew up in Hicksville, listening to Jeff Foxworthy, I thought I'd list some of my symptoms of abuse Jeff Foxworthy style.  Not that abuse is funny, but whatever gets me through the day.

I know I'm an abuse victim when:

• I dread going home and knowing other people will be there.
• I panic anytime something happens to my car that I might get blamed for (and not be able to get to work).
• I would rather be at work than at home.
• I find excuses not to be home with my abusers.
• When my abusers are gone, my stomach is in knots in anticipation about when they will come home.
• I have no mailbox key but I'm anxious about when the mail comes because I don't want to be questioned about my mail.
• I carry around every important document I might ever need in case I have to make an escape.
• I have a small bag of gold jewelry to sell should I need money no one knows about.
• I share stories with my best friend, who was abused by her boyfriend, and the stories are all too similar.
• I am scared to leave and make my own choices under threats.

Different Kind of Abuse

There are definitions of psychological and emotional abuse.  And they are good definitions.  In order for me to understand, and help my son better understand, I have come up with my own definition.  It is behavior designed to cause emotional or psychological stress.  It can also come in the form of neglect where the abuser does not care how their behavior affects others.

The situations that could be included are too many to start using examples.  This is the type of abuse I deal with daily, and am working my best at shielding my son from.  Counting down the days...

What my abuser thinks...

I am a master at rationalizing.  I can rationalize any behavior from any person.  This doesn't mean I put the blame on myself, I just make excuses for why everyone does the crappy stuff they do.  In many ways, I have felt pity to those who have abused me.  They constantly focus on the bad things and complain constantly.  Then I stopped.

1. It does not matter if this person is having a bad day.  They do not have the right to take out their issues on me.
2. I am not responsible for the way other people feel.  Their bad mood is not my fault.
3. Only I am responsible for the way I feel.

The good thing about having lived away from my abuser is I have had several years of a normal life.  During that time, I healed from a lot of childhood abuse.  I was able to build my self esteem and establish personal boundaries.  Although those things are constantly violated, my spirit isn't broken.  Breaking me down is what my abusers want.  I can put on a fantastic show, but my spirit is and will always be perfectly intact.

Sign of Abuse

A sign of abuse I have noticed in myself lately is that I'm incredibly relaxed when I am at home with just my son. When my abusers come home, I immediately tense up and pray that I have remembered to do everything I'm supposed to do.  Because something simple like leaving the car unlocked or not doing dishes is enough reason to get kicked out of the house.  That's ridiculous.  I am an adult and should not be this frightened of silly things.  Counting down the days until my departure...